


Some Like It Norse (or If At First You Don't Succeed, Try Crossdressing)

by Thette



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crossdressing, Gabriel as Loki, Gen, Humor, Norse Myths & Legends, Sam as Thor, Screenplay/Script Format, Thrymskvidha, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 03:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thette/pseuds/Thette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel comes back, and he has a special request for Sam. It involves dressing up as bride and bridesmaid, and fake-marrying a giant to get Mjölnir back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Like It Norse (or If At First You Don't Succeed, Try Crossdressing)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2013 Winchester Family Way short story contest, where the entry criteria were: script format, 2000 words or less, and something you could see happening in season 9. I owe the plot to the Thrymskvidha. Charlie is quoting from Benjamin Thorpe's 1865 translation. I have commissioned [art of Sam-as-Thor and Gabriel-as-Loki](http://bold-sartorial-statement.tumblr.com/post/51433044369/richard-speight-jr-valiantparadox-awesome), and Richard Speight Jr signed it with "I look great in heels," which I couldn't resist using. [If At First You Don't Succeed, Try Crossdressing](http://bettermyths.com/bonus/) is from the wonderful Myths RETOLD blog. (Buy his book!)

INT. MEN OF LETTERS BUNKER, WAR ROOM - NIGHT

Muted light. Books, folders, papers and empty whiskey glasses on the main table. SAM asleep on a couch, with his arm over his face. DEAN asleep in a chair by the table, with his head resting on his arms.

WINGS flutter. DEAN startles.

DEAN: Cass? You there?

GABRIEL enters.

GABRIEL: Not exactly, Dean-o-saur. Didya miss me?

SAM wakes up. GABRIEL smiles and extends his arms, as if waiting for applause.

DEAN AND SAM: Gabriel?!

SAM stands up.

SAM: We thought you were dead!

GABRIEL: I was. And then I wasn't.

GABRIEL shrugs. DEAN, RUBY'S KNIFE in hand, tries to push GABRIEL up against a wall. GABRIEL tilts his head, looks at DEAN with pity and twists DEAN's arm away. DEAN grimaces in pain. Then GABRIEL looks at SAM.

GABRIEL: But I'm not here to discuss practical theology. I need a favor. Sam, _you_ wielded Mjölnir. Good boy.

SAM throws a bitchface.

GABRIEL (CONT'D): So, you're not just Lucifer's vessel, but also an avatar of Thor.

DEAN: (Upset) Aw, hell to the no.

GABRIEL and DEAN stand down from their fight.

GABRIEL: There's more than one reason I like messing with you.

DEAN: No more mythology crap, you hear?

GABRIEL turns towards DEAN.

GABRIEL: And you should watch out for mistletoe, is all I'm saying.

DEAN: (Accusing) Where were you when the angels went to war? When all the Leviathan crap went down?

GABRIEL: Are you white feathering me? After I gave my life to save you?

DEAN: Well, apparently, it didn't take. (PAUSE) You should have been there, standing up against the douchebag Ninja Turtle.

GABRIEL: (PENSIVE) You're not wrong. (CHEERFUL) But hey, I had hoped you could have been a bit understanding about it, seeing as I wasn't alive at the time. And you, if anyone, should know how hard it is to be your brother's keeper when you're dead. Right?

GABRIEL raises one eyebrow. DEAN breaks eye contact. GABRIEL turns towards SAM.

GABRIEL: Now, Sammykins, put the wedding dress and the gigantic ballet flats on.

SAM and DEAN stare at GABRIEL, who sighs dramatically.

GABRIEL: So, we lost Mjölnir to the giants, and we're not getting it back unless Freya marries that assclown Thrym. Freya, as you might understand, is less than thrilled, and left it all in the hands of yours truly. Well, you know, (GESTURES AT SELF) Trickster, so I'm going to take Thor, or a reasonable substitute, instead. And then we'll have ourselves our very own Red Wedding.

SAM: You want _me_ to dress up as Freya in a wedding dress? And kill giants?

GABRIEL holds out a long GARMENT BAG for SAM.

DEAN: Whoa, Nelly. We don't do drag.

GABRIEL makes an exasperated face. SAM frowns, but quietly leaves the room, bag in hand.

GABRIEL: Maybe you don't, but I, for one, would make a dashing bridesmaid.

GABRIEL snaps his fingers, and is instantly dressed in a teal bridesmaid's dress and high-heeled shoes.

GABRIEL: I look great in heels.

DEAN looks down at GABRIEL's smooth legs, and makes a "not bad" face. He realizes what he's doing, and becomes aggressive again.

DEAN: I'm not leaving Sam alone with you!

GABRIEL: What's it gonna be? Stay home, or dress up and come with us?

DEAN considers his options. SAM enters the room again, wearing a white, full-length wedding dress. SAM looks at GABRIEL with his arms crossed across his chest.

SAM: Happy now?

SAM looks at DEAN, who's laughing.

SAM: Shut up.

DEAN snaps a picture of SAM and GABRIEL with his phone.

SAM: Dude!

DEAN: I'll just leave you two girls to it, then. See you later, Samantha.

DEAN leaves, still laughing.

SAM: This had better be worth it.

EXT. FOREST - NIGHT

GABRIEL leads SAM towards a CHARIOT, drawn by TWO GOATS.

SAM: You have got to be kidding me.

ACT OUT

INT. CAVERNOUS HALL - WIDE SHOT, PANNING IN

Diffuse light. Multiple tables, set for a feast. GIANTS, sitting at the tables and milling about in the hall. SAM wears a veil in two layers, one layer covering his face and one layer his eyes. SAM and GABRIEL walk across the hall.

SAM: Did we travel in time? This feels positively medieval.

GABRIEL: (Patronizing) Indeed we did! You just shut your pretty little mouth and let the grownups do the talking. We're both undercover here.

SAM: Won't they recognize you?

GABRIEL: Cross-species marriage. We all look alike to them.

SAM: That's gross.

SAM and GABRIEL approach the giant THRYM.

THRYM: Ah, there's my bride and her maid! (TO SAM) Kiss me now, for good luck?

SAM shakes his head urgently.

GABRIEL: Freya's nervous, Thrym. She's waited so long for this day, and she'll much rather kiss you in private. Later...

GABRIEL waggles his eyebrows suggestively. SAM stares at GABRIEL under the veil, and takes him aside.

SAM: (Whispering) You'd better get me out of this before the wedding night, or I'll skin you alive.

THRYM eyes them skeptically.

GABRIEL: Your bride is so shy, she'd rather not talk in public.

THRYM slaps GABRIEL's back.

THRYM: Mark of a good woman, eh?

The GIANTS laugh.

SAM: (To himself) Just give me the hammer already, and let me kill him.

THRYM escorts SAM and GABRIEL to the high table, and they sit down, SAM flanked by GABRIEL and THRYM.

GABRIEL: Can we see the bride price?

CUT TO:

INT. MEN OF LETTERS BUNKER, DEAN'S ROOM - DAY

DEAN lies prone on his bed, talking on the phone.

DEAN: No, I'm not kidding. Gabriel, who's Loki... Great that you know, can I continue telling the story? Anyway, there they were, Sam dressed in a frigging wedding dress... I don't care what Gabriel was wearing... Okay, it was something blue-green. I'm sure you'd think he was adorable.

CUT TO:

INT. CHARLIE'S APARTMENT - DAY

CHARLIE sits in the corner of her couch, feet up. She has a laptop on the back of the couch and a cup of coffee in her hand. She talks on the phone.

CHARLIE: Yeah, he sounds like a cute guy, apart from, you know, killing you a hundred times. Or more. But you know us fangirls, Dean, the way to our hearts is through crossdressing. Do you think they did the whole lingerie thing, too? I might not be into men, but damn, a tight pair of panties on a guy is a pretty sight...

DEAN: (On the phone) Dude! It's my brother you're talking about!

CHARLIE laughs.

CHARLIE: Sorry, man.

DEAN: (On the phone) You're doing it on purpose.

CHARLIE: I'm evil, and you love it.

CUT TO:

INT. MEN OF LETTERS BUNKER, DEAN'S ROOM - DAY

DEAN lies on his back, still talking on the phone.

DEAN: Yeah, but I'd appreciate if you didn't use your powers on _me_.

CHARLIE: (On the phone) So, you said it was about getting Mjölnir back? Because I've read something about this. Hold on...

COMPUTER KEYS clacking. DEAN hums to himself and drums on his legs.

CHARLIE: (On the phone) Aha! (RECITES) "Forthwith the Jötuns will Asgard inhabit, unless thy hammer thou gettest back." Then they clad Thor in bridal raiment, (NORMAL VOICE) blah blah blah (RECITES) Then said Loki, Laufey's son: "I will with thee as a servant go: we two will drive to Jötunheim."

DEAN: Wait... What?

ACT OUT

INT. THRYM'S HALL

THRYM chugs mead. SAM refuses to eat or drink. GABRIEL stuffs himself with pastries. THRYM leans over to speak to GABRIEL.

THRYM: If I didn't know better, I'd think my bride had cold feet.

GABRIEL: She's been dieting for weeks to get into that dress, and let me tell you, she's just getting hungry for you, if you know what I mean.

SAM glares at GABRIEL.

GABRIEL: (Clears throat) So, about that hammer...

THRYM: I will give it to my wife. Have patience, maid.

GABRIEL: I may not know everything about her, I've just worked as her maid for a few hundred years, but I know she'll feel better when she gets to touch it. Just a little slice of home to comfort her.

THRYM: I wouldn't want to make my bride uncomfortable on her wedding night... Just sore!

The GIANTS laugh.

SAM: (Under his breath) Frigging sexist Viking giants... Gonna kill them all.

THRYM lifts SAM's veil.

THRYM: Come here, and let me look at you!

SAM stares at THRYM.

THRYM: Freya's eyes are glowing like embers.

GABRIEL: It's because she can't wait to be alone with you, all that pent-up passion...

THRYM picks up MJÖLNIR, and lays it in SAM's lap, trying to cop a feel. SAM takes the hammer and beats THRYM to death. He rips the veil from his face and stands up.

SAM: (Shouting) Anyone else want to have a go? 'Cause I'm so frigging tired of your crap!

Several GIANTS rush him, and he beats them all. GABRIEL uses his magic to keep the rest of the giants away.

GABRIEL: Okay, good job, come on now. Let's go, Samwise!

SAM: And you... You... You did this just to humiliate me, didn't you? You could have taken the hammer back all by yourself, admit it.

GABRIEL shrugs.

GABRIEL: Take it back, yes, but I needed you to lift it.

SAM starts swinging Mjölnir in GABRIEL's direction.

GABRIEL: Whoa, whoa, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, you're a resourceful lad, but can you get home from another dimension and another time without my help?

SAM stares at GABRIEL, holding Mjölnir to his chest and crossing his arms.

SAM: Fine. Get me home, (STEELY) now.

GABRIEL: Just one detour...

SAM: No.

GABRIEL: Swear to Dad, we just need to drop this off in Valhalla.

CUT TO:

INT. MEN OF LETTERS BUNKER - DAY

DEAN sits in an armchair, reading the EDDAS and chuckling.

DEAN: (Impressed) You son of a bitch...

DEAN looks up as he hears GABRIEL and SAM (who no longer holds Mjölnir) teleport into the bunker.

SAM: Time travel, Norse myths... Is this going to come back and bite us in the ass?

GABRIEL: Probably not. But hey, you just did Loki a favor, so he owes you one.

SAM: No, I did the archangel Gabriel a favor. There's a difference and you know it.

DEAN: Hey, Gabe, care to explain why you just cosplayed Thor's greatest hits?

GABRIEL: It was the real deal. Benefits of being a mythical creature. We don't always have to do things in chronological order. (GLEEFUL) And boy, I've been saving this one for a special occasion. Totally worth it!

SAM: I hate you.

GABRIEL: Nobody's perfect. (PAUSE) I come close, though.

DEAN: By the way, Charlie wanted to know if you did the whole drag thing, underwear and all?

SAM: Jerk.

DEAN: Bitch.

SAM leaves in a huff. DEAN turns around. GABRIEL is off screen.

DEAN: Dude!

GABRIEL: (O.S.) Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.

DEAN: Just because I'm messing with Sam doesn't mean I want to see your underwear. Jeez, I have to burn my eyes out now.

There is a BRIGHT LIGHT and a HIGH-PITCHED BUZZING. DEAN covers his face with his arms.

DEAN: (Frantic) Didn't mean it literally!

The light and sound disappear, and GABRIEL laughs. His WINGS flutter. DEAN is alone.

DEAN: Angels, man. Frigging angels.

 

ACT OUT

 

**Author's Note:**

> I might do an extended, non-script version of this.


End file.
